CHILD ABUSE

Children are the ones who make the home "complete". They are the creatures of happiness, joy and cheerfulness in the society. They give us pleasure with their innocent deeds. Kids give us enjoyment with their babbling and unlimited chatter. They wipe away our sorrow with their sweet and loving smile. Children are created to give us "A new life", to teach us caring, sharing, patience, loving, nursing and unbounded empathy. I just cannot think world without kids. They make every celebration colorful. The childhood mischief becomes favorite memories. I can say children give us inspiration to thrive forward and to settle them well in their lives when troubles overwhelm us. I wonder how can anyone "abuse" these wonderful creatures. Abusing children has become a common habit now. In well developed countries also abuse is a major problem. Sometimes these issues are made public whereas, many times kids are "made" silent. Many children’s pain goes unnoticed. Innocent children are being beaten, bruised, molested and harassed in sadistic ways in many parts of the world. If we can look into the causes for child abuse surprising factors can be observed. Here are some of the reasons for child abuse: BROKEN HOMES: Any home filled with arguments, frustration and violence, the effects of it are mostly suffered by children. When the ego of the parents or other family members is hurt, this is reflected as abuse on children. Parents tend to reflect their anger or release their tension or stress on children even when a small mistake takes place by them. SHORT TEMPER: Though there is no wrong from the child's side just because parents or family members or friends or teachers cannot control their anger, the child has to face the anger in the form of abuse. DIVERSED AND SINGLE PARENTS: When there is a broken marriage, because of the frustration of raising a child alone can also lead to violent behavior towards the child by the parent. The parent might be under great stress, helplessness, depression and financially lacking which forces them to behave negatively with their own children. On the other hand increasing demands by children and need to satisfy those demands keeps the parent in great pressure that can again lead to child abuse. PARENTLESS CHILDREN: Children, who lose their parents due to some reason, really are the victims of the child abuse. If the care taker or guardian feels that this child is a burden to them, tends to show off the tension on the child. Parentless children are looked down by many. They take the advantage of these kids and make them do whatever the care taker desires to have. It can be work, child labor or sexual abuse. Because the child does not have any other choice, silence becomes in evitable. The fear of punishment also keeps the child's mouth closed. This forces the child to hold back the tears with an effort. COMMUNICATION GAP: Recent development in technology and need to work for long hours, parents do not find much time to spend with children. Whatever happens to the child, child hesitates to express with the parents because of lack of proper communication. Child may also fear that parents would not believe them if they say abuse has taken place. FRUSTRATION IN FAMILY: When the family members are filled with ego, conflicts and selfishness, the poor child at home faces the violence. The tendency of adults to “control" children by rude methods also can result in child abuse. CHILD NEGLIGENCE: Negligence of a child intentionally or due to factors like lack of time, stress, anxiety, lack of income, lack of communication also leads to child abuse. Friends or relatives who are trusted to be trust worthy can take advantage of those situations in the family and abuse the innocent children. Some children go out for help without hesitation to escape from the abuse. But most of the times kids become "still" and hide their problem of abusing due to:

• Fear of punishment

• Fear of more manipulation

• Not to hurt parents

• Shame

• Guilt

• Watching conflicts at home and thinks that it is of no use talking about their problem

• Fear of being accused

• Thinks that parents would make it a big issue and lot of damage can occur to them

• Anxiety about persecution by the people who abuse them

• Pain and anger

• Depression

• Lack of support and understanding from family members

• Loss of parents or loved once

• Fear of being mocked or teased

• Ignorance of consequences of abuse if not reported to the adults

• Feeling of inferiority and humiliation

WAYS TO STOP CHILD ABUSE:

• Parents need to spend more time with kids. This facilitates the children to express themselves to parents sooner or later.

• Observation of children for signs of any abnormal behavior like unusual silence, abnormal quietness and calmness, out busts of anger or tears, increased frustration, poor attention and concentration, strange behavior which could be as a result of abuse, is important.

• Allow children to talk about their problem when they come to the parents. They should not be put off or hindered for any reason. Especially if the strange behavior is noticed, it is better to let them talk about it.

• Parents should not ignore complaints of children being abused by other family members, friends, relatives, close associates or strangers. It is because abuse comes from these people in first place.

• Parents must encourage children and educate them to take help when abused by others.

• Family members should show themselves that they are trust worthy and the child can come to them for help whenever necessary.

• Developing healthy relationship, positive behavior, cheerful and happy home environment reduces the anxiety and tension in children. This helps them to express themselves without any restrictions.

• Parent counseling and family counseling helps to handle conflicts in the family instead of showing the stress on the innocent children.

• Children should be motivated not to spend time alone for long periods. This creates a feeling of insecurity and can lead to abuse by outsiders very easily.

• Children should be taught about self defense and maintenance of safe distance with people around them as much as possible.

• Teaching about causes of abuse and violence create awareness in children. This helps them to either handle the situation in right way or report it immediately.

• Parents need to explain not to trust any stranger.

• Personal counseling to parents in handling their own emotions properly also reduces child abuse and violence.

• Play therapy helps children to express their hidden problems.

• Parents should always keep an eye on their children because kids are physically, emotionally and mentally weaker group who cannot fight back the abuse by themselves.

In this context, I invite everyone to stop child abuse when noticed by any one of us anywhere and at any time. I feel it is our duty not to put off the light of the joy and cheer in children by suppressing them. Kids are the gift from God. I sincerely feel that one should not misuse these precious lives because they are freely available for abuse. Taking advantage of child’s innocence, ignorance, weakness, trust and faith in us is the reflection of the beast within one who abuses children for trivial things. The purity of a child should not be spoiled by the sadistic and selfish attitude by the adults. I think it is a shame on humanity if a child is persecuted by any means and for any cause either physically or mentally or emotionally.

TEENAGE PROBLEMS

Teenage is the period where the mental and physical transformation occurs. This transitional period is faced with confusion and conflict. The growth and development, change in hormones creates frustration, out bursts, stress and poor decision making in youngsters. This period is the crucial time to put teenagers into right track in life. Parents and family should understand that the behavior of the teenager is mainly affected by the following aspects:

• Confusion about physical body changes

• Increased consciousness about self and personal appearance

• Peer group influence

• Availability of free time, money and freedom.

• Curiosity to know about their body changes, opposite sex and tendency to experiment.

HOW TO DEAL WITH TEENAGER & TEENAGE PROBLEMS: As parents we love our children and so are concerned about their lives. We tend to keep an eye as we watch them budding into teens. On the other hand it is natural for a parent to worry about their teenager. It is because they know the problems of that age as they have crossed it already. Knowing the usual problems of teenage girls, mothers some times out of overprotection "hold" the teenager by restricting them in many ways. This only strains the relationship and causes frustration and depression in both the parties. FEW TIPS TO MAINTAIN TEENAGE GIRLS PROBLEMS EFFECTIVELY: I believe that there are many alternatives to deal with teenage problems for parents than the monotonous ways:

• Remember that every "small thing" matters a lot for a teenager.

• Parents need to understand that the teenager may not be ready to accept self care,

• responsibility of their lives and behavior all of a sudden. It is because they were only kids who were care free, cared for and protected by the parents so far.

• Keeping these issues in mind mothers need to gently and slowly introduce the responsibility the teenager should "feel and take" about themselves.

• Make them understand that they are no more "considered" kids by the society.

• Observe for any mood fluctuations, abnormal and unusual behavior, increased interest in personal appearance, uncommon out bursts of anger, tears, violence and total silence.

• Mothers should try to identify the problem they are facing. Show yourself that you are trust worthy. Be honest and sincere in your approach.

• Make them believe that as a mother you are there to "help" them and that you are not the one who makes their problem a "big issue" or complicate it.

• Be "friendly" and at the same time say "no" to any type of inappropriate behavior.

• Explain them the physical changes or biological changes are due to natural hormonal change.

• Let the teenager express all the doubts which might be causing curiosity in them. Then advice the suitable answers to their doubts.

• In some countries "dating" is common where as in other countries it is not encouraged. Hence parents need to counsel teenage girls about the problems of dating, their consequences and how it affects their future life.

• While handling the emotions of a teenage girl always follow the rule of calm and steady attitude. Never provoke them. It only worsens the problem and in fact the stern and angry punishments by mothers turn the teenage girl away from her. It ultimately motivates to develop negative and purposeful wrong behavior in teenagers.

• Never demand more than what they can afford to do. Appreciate every improvement or best performance. Motivate positive thinking when the scores go low and encourage them to find better solutions or methods of learning.

• Parents should never compare their teenagers with others even if it is a sibling. This only induces either inferiority guilt feeling or superior ego in them.

• Always keep in touch with your teenager. Keep talking about anything they feel like talking to you including issues of education, their ambitions, friends, peers, their future plans, their intentions and thinking, their ideas and doubts.

• Give them time to think and evaluate your advice, solutions, support and help. Do not overwhelm.

• Parents should be role models to their teenagers and should be cool, dignified and modest.

• Mothers should not try to teach the child which they do not follow themselves. Substance abuse, quarrelsome behavior, alcoholism, domestic violence, smoking, flirting, perverted behavior in parents or other family members encourage the teenagers to do the same things. They tend to revolt, if questioned, by pointing out to your behavior. Hence it is important for parents to be sincere, truthful and faithful maintaining the morals of life.

• It is better to be in touch with the "associates" of your teenagers. That way you can know what happens behind you.

• Keep an academic record of the teenager and review it at regular intervals. Frequent visits to their school or collages gives best feedback of "what's" happening and how your teenager is responding there.

• Never support teenage tantrums. This only increases the problem.

• Make the teenager to understand that any bad behavior would not be tolerated and the consequences of such behavior can be serious if not corrected appropriately and immediately.

• In severe behavioral problems among teenagers… group counseling, classes on management of stress, behavioral therapy, psychotherapy and personal counseling help a great deal.

• Try to look in to their common problems like acne, body odor, dressing appropriately, skin changes, removal of unwanted hair, hair styling, and bad breath and help them to solve such problems without any stress.

• Never correct the teenager in public. Whatever the problem might be privacy is best to follow. Otherwise it can lead to deep hurt and humiliation in teenager.

• Make them understand the value of family, customs, tradition and cultural values.

• Never allow your teenager for late night parties and coming home late at night.

Walking with your teenager is fun and at the same time takes your patience and time. Your love and care as a mother binds your teenager to you. When the teenager understands that you have high expectations, hope and regard for them, they surely would respond positively to your guidance.

BEAUTY TIPS THAT A WOMEN SHOULD FOLLOW

"Smile" this increases your face value says one of the famous writer. I believe that woman is one of the beautiful creative thought of God. We tend to pause for a movement at the sight of the passing beauty. In fairy tales characters like Cinderella, Sleeping beauty and Rapunzel reflect the imagination of many young girls who want to be beautiful like them. Recent years of development in women started putting on lot of stress on them. This stress, anxiety, tension, lack of time for personal care tends to reduce the natural "glow" on the face, sometimes lack of feasibility to beauty parlors or skin clinics also adds to the problem. Keeping this on mind I thought of introducing few simple beauty tips a women can follow without much effort, this saves money and time. These tips can be followed easily. SKIN CARE: To keep the skin glowing, take plenty of water & fruit juices.

• Scrubs which are commercially available can be used to remove the dead skin.

• Homemade scrubs like 'sugar', 'coffee powder' with 'Multhana mitti' in 1:2 ratio can be used to maintain the softness of skin.

• A mixture of Rose water with Glycerin and lemon juice can be used. This helps to retain skin moisture.

• Apricots powder, Almond powder also work as natural scrubs, when these are used with milk cream it prevents skin from drying up.

• To prevent dry skin apply body lotion or olive oil or almond oil immediately after bath once the body is dried with towel.

• Always remember to remove makeup before bed time.

• Steaming helps to keep skin soft and it’s easy to remove dirt and black heads.

• Carrot root oil with coconut oil or olive oil can be used for body massage.

• Applying honey on face helps to keep the glow on the face.

HAIR CARE: Hair is the crown for ladies. To prevent dry scalp, fresh curd can be applied overnight which is massaged into hair. Cover the hair when this is applied.

• To keep hair glowing, apply warm hair oil or olive oil or almond oil at least one hour before washing hair.

• Henna with egg, few drops of lemon juice , Curd acts as conditioner, for coloring the same combination can be used if its mixed & kept aside at least 10 hours before use.

• Select shampoo that suits your hair type. Herbal shampoos are better to use.

• Oil massages to hair, improves blood supply to scalp, improves hair growth and reduces hair fall.

EYE CARE: Expressive eyes are the centers of attraction. To prevent dark circles under the eyes avoid stress, use relaxation techniques, sleep well, give rest to eyes in between the work by simply closing them on and off for few seconds.

• Avoid exposure to direct sun light. This can be done by using SUN glasses.

• Place cucumber pieces on eyes which are cut into circles. This prevents dark circles around the eyes.

• Using warm tea bags, when placed on eyes prevents sagging of skin around the eyes and also relaxes the eyes.

• Placing cool cotton swabs on eyes reduces stress and gives peaceful sleep.

• Always remove mascara and all eye liners or eye shades before sleep.

LIP CARE: Cracked lips keep us from smiling warmly. Hence to maintain the lips soft, supple and shining use emollients like glycerin and Vaseline.

• Scrubbing lips with smooth bristled brush gently removes dead skin and makes the lips pink. This can be done with fingers also.

• Milk cream, ghee, olive oil, coconut oil, almond oil can be used to keep the lips wet and prevent drying up fast.

• Avoid drinking too hot drinks that can burn or inflame the soft skin of lips.

• Avoid smoking which darkens the color of the lips.

• Always use standard brands of lip care products available in the market.

CARE OF HANDS & FEET: To keep elbows soft, scrub them with natural scrubbers.

• Always apply hand and body lotion immediately after bath to keep the skin moist and supple.

• Keep nails clean and short. Push the skin back at the base of the nails. Use branded nail colors only.

• To prevent cracks of feet and soles soak the feet in warm water for at least fifteen minutes and scrap them with a scraper. This removes dead skin.

• Apply emollients after scrubbing. Using of moisturizers or olive oil helps to keep feet soft.

• Massage feet with any oil before going to sleep. This gives relaxation and good sleep.

• Using socks during bed time is good.

• Always use sandals or shoes that are of right size, supportive, soft and comfortable.

TIPS TO MAINTAIN HEALTH IN WOMEN

Women are the delicate, sweet, beautiful, elegant creation of God. They are the "home makers" and "task performers" at job. They carry on their lives with a smile in rough times. They take whatever life offers them. They enjoy with cheerful people and cry with sorrow hearted. They care and support who ever need their help. They work hard to manage the family and see that the daily demands are met appropriately. They perform their job perfectly at work place. They try to ignore the stress, tiredness and any pain or mental agony they face. Here are a few steps for our ladies to follow in maintaining physical, emotional and mental well being. I hope this would help women to lighten up stress and reduce susceptibility to illness. TO MAINTAIN PHYSICAL HEALTH THESE TIPS CAN BE FOLLOWED: PHYSICAL EXERCISE: In the early hours of the day physical exercise warms up the body. If not possible at dawn, it is better to carry on exercises in the evening times. This gives strength, texture and good body line. EAT WELL: Everybody eats, but eating a healthy and nourishing diet is significant. Check whether your diet includes balanced quantities of proteins, carbohydrates, fats, minerals, fiber and vitamins. Consuming plenty of vegetables, green leaves and seasonal fruits or fresh fruit juices really help. Women with menstrual problems, nourishing babies should take iron rich food like green leaves, liver, meet, fruits, and vegetables in large quantities regularly. REST AND SLEEP: This is often ignored because of work pressure, tension and anxiety. It is very vital to get proper sleep and rest. Undisturbed sleep keeps mind fresh and active. To get good sleep always avoid consuming coffee or tea before bed time. It is better to take warm milk before sleep. Avoid any stress causing discussions, arguments, thinking that affects your sleep. Hot water bath before going to bed helps. Scalp and body massage, reading a pleasant book, having fun with kids or family gives more relaxation and deep sleep without interruption. BEVERAGES: It is always better to avoid beverages that upset the stomach. Alcoholic beverages gradually deteriorate your health; hence it is good not to go for them. Consuming more coffee or tea or soft drinks can also be harmful. Avoid drinks “that add to your weight". Prefer drinks that have got more calories and gives you energy. Fruit juices, milk shakes and cool water are best thirst quenchers. TIPS TO MAINTAIN MENTAL HEALTH: Stress, tension, anxiety and depression are the main sources of mental illness. The factors that stimulate these "stressors" should be recognized and handled in a proper way. Here are the ways to beet frustration, irritability, anger, out bursts that lead to violence and self harm. IDENTIFICATION OF PROBLEM: "Identify" the stressor at home and work place. "Recognize" why they are occurring and "plan" how to either avoid them or solve them. Remember there is a solution for every problem that exists. Only thing is one should be able to understand the causes for problem and develop a problem solving attitude. BE POSITIVE: It is helpful to develop positive attitude as much as possible at all times. When the stress is more it is better to think optimistically and make a decision about what is to be done with a calm and cool attitude. Negative thinking only leads to violent behavior, loss of sensibility and sensitivity, creates conflicts and increases antisocial behavior. Try to talk about your problems with your close friends or family members. RELAXATION TECHNIQUES: There are many types of relaxation methods available now. Aroma therapy, prayer, meditation, exercises, dance, body rubs or body massage, watching a movie, swimming, walking, playing, planning family tours or picnics, attending homely parties, reading books, writing, practicing favorite hobbies and devoting time to spend with kids. OTHER TECHNIQUES TO RELAX MIND: Listening to music, Internet surfing, counseling and guidance, sharing ideas with friends and dear ones, site seeing, visiting relatives, deep breathing exercises, prioritizing work, participating in support groups, taking professional help in extreme conditions like behavior therapy, psychotherapy, relaxation therapy, occupational therapy and personal counseling.

ROLE OF WOMEN AT HOME AND SOCIETY

Women in past years were confined to home. They remained as house wives for a long period performing the household tasks given to them. In this male dominated society women remained as a care giver to the parents, in-laws, husband and other family members. The main reason is lack of education in women. It was the duty of men to go out, earn money and to arrange for daily living or to meet all financial requirements of family members. Women were expected to obey whatever the decision the "men made". It was considered as an insult for the family for a woman to "go out", work equal with men or to stand equally to them in any field. Now, as the modern technology is advancing there is a great change in the role of women, whether as a house wife or as a job holder. Women are struggling to "keep up" the perfect standard of house wife even if they are working outside. Various roles played by a single woman can be seen in many dimensions. WOMEN AS MOTHER: This is the major task women perform at home. It is very important that the children are given proper care, education, teaching, guidance, counseling, support and correction as they cross each stage of development. A mother teaches her child moral and standard of living. She is the model for them who shapes their character right from the birth. WOMEN AS CAREGIVERS: Nursing and care giving are the natural talents of women. They take care of children, aged persons at home, parents, brothers, sisters, husband and other family members too. This care giving becomes evident when somebody falls sick at home. She nourishes family with delicious food. With her care and devotional love women satisfies everybody at home. WOMEN AS HOUSE KEEPERS: They are not only care givers but also "keep" the house clean and well maintained. They make house beautiful with interior or exterior decoration. Their creativity is respected in house management. They wash & mop whenever necessary. They keep the family and house well groomed. The womanhood is seen in every work they do. WOMEN AS FINANCIAL ASSISTANTS: Days have gone where women were considered as just sources of human generation. Now women try their best to save money and support the family. They do this by sitting at home or going to work. The earning money is done by merchandising handmade items like food items, stitching cloths, embroidering, handicrafts, baby sitting, writing books or article or journals or other Internet home based jobs. WOMEN AS JOB HOLDERS: The demand for more money earning due to the raise in standard of living opened a new avenue for women to go out and work. Women started to get education equal to men. They started to earn sufficient amount of money to run the family without financial problems. WOMEN AT WORK PLACE: Women are carrying on with any task they are given at their work place. They maintain their poise, dignity, career, work, and stress just with a "smile" though they feel the "strain" at times. They proved themselves to be no way less than their counter parts both at home and work place. This versatile role of women is done because of the self motivation and confidence she has got within herself. The question is how for the others understand and support them in order to give them more hope to flourish. After all this work, at the end of the day our sweet lady expects only a smile of encouragement, appreciation, thanks of gratitude, warm welcome of her presence and a pat on her back as a token of recognition of her hard work. The unselfish love, care and work of women, I think can never be repaid but can be rewarded. It is because women do all these for us without any expectation in return.

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE THAT WOMEN FACE

Women are considered as weaker group in society. I feel various factors influence this aspect of "weakness" in women. It starts right from the home itself. I keep watching women who are "made" weak and helpless when the expected demands of the other family members are not met by them. This unmet need by women is reflected as domestic violence on their lives. It is pathetic to observe and understand that many women despite of the service, love, care they render to the family members, still suffer from domestic violence. The reasons could be multi dimensional like dowry problems, lack of financial background, lack of support, lack of education or beauty or it could just be the "selfish" desires of the other family members who expect the lady to "fulfill", if not make them face the punishment. Now a day this violence is seen in every place. Most of the time the problem starts once the girl gets married. Violence became inevitable weather the marriage is arranged or the one chosen by the lady. There are really good families who accept and support daughter-in-law as their own family member. Here the story ends happily. On the other hand, quite many families including the husband forget that she came out of her "safe cocoon" trusting them. To her horror she realizes that home is the most "unsafe" place when the violence starts. I think the problem is not just the violence itself. It is also the helplessness of women who cannot go back to their parents or seek help from other resources reasons being the following: SOCIAL STIGMA: This is the first thing that affects the life of women who go out for help when they face domestic violence. This can be seen especially in countries where it is felt that the "respect" of the house should be maintained by the women. Male dominated societies would not bother if a male commits any type of "wrong" either in public life or in personal life. But it is pitiful to think that the female is harassed when that wrong doing of men is not supported by them. They silently bare the torture knowing the consequences if the issue is made public. Only a few would come forward to help such women, the rest of them stand detached as these ladies deteriorate day by day. In fact this spreads as an "event" of hot discussion locally damaging the female’s fame and respect. LACK OF PARENTS SUPPORT: Females prefer to suffer to any extent instead of going to the parents for help. It could be because they don’t want to hurt their parents. Sometimes they feel ashamed and guilty to discuss about their problems with husband or in-laws thinking that the respect of the in-laws house would be damaged. Some get hindered because parents themselves can cause more problems by direct confrontation or propaganda about the other party. This would only increase domestic violence. LACK OF FINANCIAL SUPPORT: Women without a job, education or financial resources tend to keep quite because they lack confidence to stand on their own and live an independent life without money and security once they leave the home. IGNORANCE: Even now where there is lot of advancement in technology, some women do not even know that there are various voluntary organizations that help females that suffer from domestic violence. There are women help lines, female cells where women are protected from violence. This should be brought into light and made known to every woman as much as possible. Women education is also important in pursuit of cultivating problem solving attitude. LACK OF COUNSELING: Many women face domestic violence that causes increased stress which leads to depression and suicidal tendencies just because they do not have a right word of counseling at right time. Women go to the extent of self harm because they lack the inner strength and confidence to handle the problem of domestic violence. Hence counseling and guidance help a great deal to identify the problem causing factors and give them an idea about how to solve these behaviors. I wish that every sector of society should take an active part in supporting women by stopping domestic violence either directly or indirectly. Professional help like marriage counseling, family counseling, and personal counseling to all family members has got great impact in banishing domestic violence without braking the hearts or homes. Hence it is very important for the females to be educated and be self sufficient. It is always better for the women to wait till they are capable of managing a family rather than blindly getting married. Parents should understand and support women in making an independent decision to get married till they are matured enough to handle their husband, children and in-laws. The men should understand the women and encourage them to flourish instead of smashing their future to satisfy male ego or desires of in-laws and family members.

PROBLEMS OF WORKING WOMEN

Women in recent years have developed a great deal in education and their work field. They proved themselves that they are no way less than men in any field like education, medicine and technology. They excelled excellently showing that women are not just "homemakers" but also capable of managing their jobs. In spite of their talent, hard work and sincere effort, women face many problems at home and work place. I think it is because maximum burden of home maintenance falls on women. She is expected to complete her job as house wife before she leaves to work. Her day starts right from arranging food, clothing, and hot water, washing, cleaning and satisfying needs of the family. I feel most of the women lack time for their personal care and grooming in this process. The other general problems working women face are: CARE OF CHILDREN: Due to lack of time, stress and tiredness women get exhausted by the time they reach home after work. It would be a real challenge to spend enough time with their kids. It is difficult to make them sit and study, look into their educational performance, discuss their problems, observe their behavior without co-operation of other family members. CARE OF SICK: If anyone at home is sick, it is again the lady of the house who plays an active part in taking care of them. It adds to the physical strain and increases anxiety about their well being once she leaves the house. CARE OF HUSBAND: This is the major part that women are expected to be perfect with. Women try to please and meet all the needs of their men without fail. This is carried on with affection and on the other hand with compulsion sometimes. It becomes a major problem if the requirements are not met appropriately or as expected which would strain the marriage relationship. This in turn can be lead to domestic problems & suicide in most of the women's lives. MODE OF TRANSPORTATION: Reaching home and work place poses a big problem now a day. It is because of increased traffic during working hours. Exposure to sun, dust & pollution spoils the health. Less frequency of transport vehicles also adds to the problem because the working hours may not coincide with the vehicle availability time. Hence a lot of time might get wasted for waiting for the vehicle to arrive. PROBLEMS AT WORKING PLACE: It is a great task to complete work before the given deadline. Working women face high job stress because of this. As they are very vulnerable saying "no" to the "extra" work given to them puts them under great pressure. Sometimes women in order to show that they are capable of working equal to men, accept even difficult and tough tasks. In pursuit of completing it, they face stress. This again leads to frustration and out bursts that damage their lives. COMPETITION AT WORK: In order to "keep up" their scores and level of performance, women try their level best to work hard. To dominate the competition in their field they struggle till the end. MANIPULATION BY MEN: This is one of the biggest problems women face. Eve teasers create pitiful problems everywhere. There are cases where women are threatened to be killed or harmed with chemicals like Acid attacks. Some of the women, as seen in many countries are attacked with acids, knives, guns, chains and other dangerous weapons. When women lack proper support at home and work place, as they have no other choice they go to the extent of committing suicide. The solution for all these problems comes when the family members understand and co-operate to support them by all means. Helping each other in daily choirs, understanding, empathy, encouragement, appreciation, counseling, guidance, affection and love at home yields excellent results in handling problems of working women. On the other hand, women need to prioritize their needs and work. It is good to take help whenever necessary and when ever help is available. It is better to ignore work that cannot be done by them instead of accepting and overburdening themselves. Always women should avoid unwanted help offered by men in different places expect at home. Relaxation techniques, practicing favorite hobbies, spending time with family, planning tours and picnics relieves tension and anxiety. This also helps in developing healthy relationships. It is significant for a woman to learn to keep people at right place and at right distance which avoids unwanted problems.

STRESS IN WORKING WOMEN

I get up early in the morning and the thought that gives palpitation is, my "job" that waits ahead for that day. I pray, meditate, have a fresh cup of coffee and relax for a while. This simple act in the morning pushes my tension aside. I plan my day balancing any work at home and outside. I check for my "help lines" availability. This helps me to ease my tensed nerves. I prepare myself to face the day with confidence and strength. That gives a happy end for the day. I wonder how the other working women cope up with their stressful routine. If we practically look into issue of "stress in working women", I think it definitely strikes that women are under great pressure. It is because they have to take care of their responsibility as house wives and task performers at their work place. Some women feel that 24X7 time schedule is inadequate to accomplish the tasks given to them. Let us give a thought of why there is stress? The factors causing stress should be eliminated in first place. Recognition of these factors is important to brush them aside. There are so many problems that cause stress in women in a unique way whether the job is small or big like:

• Responsibility of house hold work such as cooking, washing, cleaning, house decoration or housekeeping.

• Responsibility of children, husband, parents or in-laws & other family members, if there are sick or aged persons at home, adds to the work pressure.

• Transportation is one of the major problems, even if the women owns a vehicle, still reaching the work place in time keeps the adrenalin levels raised till target is reached.

• Job stress is faced by different women in different forms based on their job, number of working hours & work load, interest on the work, pressure from colleagues, work without break, reduction of incentives when work is not finished within dead line etc.

Women are vulnerable to stress because they prefer to be perfect house wives and at the same time try to maintain the "equality with men" at job."Pleasing others" is one of the core attitude of women. I feel this puts off women from saying "no" whenever necessary to the "extra work" that’s demanded. A stern attitude is implied as "selfish" behavior which upsets women. Hence this weakness is used to manipulate the female ego to get the work done at home or work place. Changes in hormones at different levels of development effect a great deal in women. These changes can increase the vulnerability to stress as seen in pre menstruation, after delivery, post menopausal period and when faced with marital problems. SYMPTOMS OF STRESS: Early recognition of symptoms of stress helps to eliminate the problem at the root level. The usual common symptoms seen in stress are:

• Tension

• Anxiety

• Frustration

• Irritability

• Headaches

• Stomach upsets

• Increased toilet needs

• Anger

• Violence

• Antisocial behavior

• Substance abuse like alcoholism, smoking, drug abuse

• Insomnia

• Disturbed sleep patterns

• Lethargy

• Frequent out bursts

• Mood swings

• Negative attitude and thinking

• Lack of emotional control

• Poor concentration & attention

• Hostility

• Poor decision making

• Feeling of helplessness, hopelessness, depression and thoughts of suicide, thoughts of self harm or harming others.

EFFECTS OF STRESS: Sometimes stress is taken in a positive way by some women, it motivates them to be more productive and creative. Self motivation creates interest in them to handle the problem appropriately and come out of it with best results. On the other hand it could be destructive because of infliction of negative thoughts and development of negative attitude. This leads to Tension, anxiety, frustration, apathy, reduces decision making power, depression, and self harm and suicide behavior. HOW OUR BODY IS AFFECTED BY STRESS: Mind and body work together. Mental stress effects the physiological activity, increased stress precipitates chronic problems like asthma, heart diseases & skin problems, increases risk to develop hypertension, diabetes, ulcers, cardiac problems, stroke, nervous system problems, decreases resistance to infection. It also can lead to eating problems like poor eating or over eating which again affects the health.

• Problems of bowel and bladder are quite common when stress peaks up.

HOW TO COPE UP WITH STRESS: Identifying & recognition of the causes for stress is significant to prevent the problem.

• To know one’s responsibilities, expectations and at the same time to realize their limitation is also important to handle stress in right way.

• Women should learn when to say "No" and do not force themselves to accept things which over burden them.

• It is good and of no harm to accept help or take help when ever and where ever necessary. If there is possibility to take help, better go for that option.

• Women should learn to delegate work or responsibility as per need.

• One should cultivate the habit of "prioritizing" work in order to reduce stress and anxiety. This really helps when practiced in day to day life.

• Physical activity also helps to relax mind like walking, dancing, swimming, sports, games, exercises and playing with kids.

• Practicing favorite hobbies like writing articles, poems, journals, books, singing, painting, handicrafts, music, prayer, meditation works out well.

• In extreme conditions where the other techniques would not help it is always better to take professional help from experts like counseling, behavior therapy, psychotherapy, group therapy, relaxation therapy, family counseling and personal counseling.

• It helps to attend classes on stress management, work management, home management, child management, occupational management etc.

This gives a new outlook of life, common problems of life and how to manage them effectively without need to face stress. Stress is not a psychological disease, it is a common problem faced by many. It can be reduced or eliminated or prevented totally by taking right step at right time.